2015 will be a year of change.

Every January I jot down a handful of things I want to accomplish during the year. It usually includes the same things - eat healthier, be more active, read more, save more money, use what I already have, make my house cuter/better/safer/etc. This year I looked a little closer on how I can actually do those things and decided to make some pretty big changes. I know, I know. Studies show that when people make really drastic changes in their lives, they are less likely to stick with it than if they make small changes gradually. Well. Unfortunately, I'm not that patient.

1. Eat healthier, be more active, lose weight. For a couple years in college, I didn't have a car. If I couldn't walk somewhere, I had to bum a ride from a friend. I lived on campus, so walking to class wasn't a big deal and walking to my job downtown wasn't that big of a deal either. Combine being 19 with walking everywhere and you get to stay pretty svelte, no matter how much unlimited fountain coke you drink (at least, that was the case for me.) Then I got a car. Then I moved further away from work. Then I got married. Then I... Then I... Then I... I could rattle off all of the other reasons I became less healthy, less active, and gained more weight. The fact of the matter is, I got lazy and stopped walking as much. I kept eating less healthy foods (in fact, I probably ate even more of those less healthy foods because I thought Taco Bell was more convenient than anything else). And now, many years later and many excuses later... I am finally deciding to be more proactive in making myself be more active! The hospital is sponsoring a New Year, New U Challenge that involves healthy weight loss and healthy dieting. I would like to be down a couple dress sizes in a couple months and am working on that. Trying to hit 10,000 steps every day (including my "cheat" day). Cutting back (significantly) on soda and starbucks. Completely cutting out drive-thru foods. Sticking with foods that are closer to nature. Eating breakfast. Going to the free 1-hour classes offered at the hospital about nutrition.

2. Read more. Does it count if I am going back to school? I would like to read more for fun, but honestly, Friends just came onto Netflix and dang-o is it funny! BUT, I am going back to school to get my BSN finally. Two pre-reqs this semester and classes start in June. Whew. I don't particularly want to do it, but it is a necessary evil for moving onward and upward in the nursing world.

3. Save more money. Cutting back on soda and starbucks helps a lot. When I started at the hospital, I would get starbucks on Sundays as a celebration that it was my Friday. I had one more 12-hour shift and then it was my weekend. Then I started getting it on Fridays because it was my Monday. And then fuck it, I might as well get it on Saturdays too. And I don't get a $1 coffee. I get a $5-6 "coffee" - filled with syrup and sugar and milk and mmmmmmm. So tasty! But, it is also so bad for me (see resolution #1). What started off as a $6/week treat turned into a $20/week bill. Killing two birds with one stone by cutting it out. I'm also cutting out drive-thru foods and making myself cook more meals at home. $12.99 for stir-fry buffet when I have most ingredients at home and need to buy $5 worth of chicken (and get 3 meals out of it instead of 1) is a WAY better deal. I just found a "save money plan" on Pinterest. I am using one savings account for pet expenses, one for vacation savings, and one as an emergency fund. I'm not buying things I don't need. I get e-mails all the time from Ulta, Bath & Body Works, Old Navy, etc with "deals". I don't need any more makeup, soap, or leggings.

4. In fact, I'm trying to use more of what I already have. When I was growing up, my mom had the habit of buying a lot of unnecessary things. The grocery store would have pasta 10 for $10. So my mom would buy 10 boxes of pasta. Do you know how much pasta we had in our pantry at any given time? About 10 boxes, because my mom would never actually make said pasta. That terrible habit of buying tons of unnecessary shit has passed through her blood and into mine. I didn't realize it until the last few years. A couple people have pointed out how much I have in my shower. Doesn't everyone have 4 different bottles of shampoo? 6 conditioners? 7 body washes? A couple face washes? Doesn't everyone have boxes upon boxes of pasta and oatmeal and hot chocolate? Doesn't everyone buy new stuff when they still have more than 1/2 of the old stuff left? NO. So, one of my resolutions (I actually started doing this last summer) is to use the stuff I have before buying new stuff. No shower stuff for a while. No pasta. No oatmeal. And holy cow is this going to help me save money.

5. Ahhh. My house. Last July I completed refinancing my house. It is all mine. Sonofabitch that is a lot of responsibility. So far, I'm handling it well. In 2014, I got new windows and doors (making it more energy efficient and safer). They also installed new shutters (making it look a hell of a lot nicer). This year I plan on sprucing up the front of my house a little bit more. Flowers or bushes or something. I am working on painting the basement (ugh. it just takes forever and is so boring). My brother may install a bathroom downstairs (would be pretty handy to have a bathroom down there). I need to start saving for a new roof/gutters. I also need to start saving to get rid of the carpet in the living room and hallway.

So that's where I am at. Being healthier, reading more, going back to school, using what I already have, saving money, making my house where i want to hang my hat.

What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before? I refinanced my house, making me the sole owner of my home. I went on a road trip with friends, went to a music festival, ate fried alligator. I went to New York and saw the Statue of Liberty. I went to Epcot!

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Same as last year - one of my resolutions was to travel more, so I did that.

Did anyone close to you give birth? No one super close to me.

Did anyone close to you die? No.

What countries did you visit? None - still just traveling stateside

What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014? Even more traveling! I would like to NOT have any credit card debt.

What date(s) from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I never remember dates. I will remember going to HangoutFest in May, New York in September, and Florida in December.

What was your biggest achievement of the year? Successfully refinancing my house. I own this bitch.

What was your biggest failure? Not starting my BSN program like I intended.

Did you suffer illness or injury? I had a really bad bout of the flu in March.

What was the best thing you bought? Uhhh, my house! Plane ticket to NY, more paint, windows & sliding glass doors!

Whose behavior merited celebration? Kristan moved to Chicago, which was a dream of hers, so that's pretty cool.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My mom got even more strange.

Where did most of your money go? House. Student loans. Travel.

What did you get really, really, really excited about? Epcot! Hangout! New York! New windows!

What songs will always remind you of 2014? Taylor Swift, probably. Ed Sheeran, maybe.

Compared to this time last year, are you...
i. happier or sadder?
ii. thinner or fatter?
iii. richer or poorer? Happier, the same, and the same. I'm working on being happier, healthier, and richer.

What do you wish you'd done more of? Saved more money. Travelled more. Ate healthier and been more active.

What do you wish you'd done less of? I wish I had worked less.

How did you spend Christmas? I worked 12 hours.

Did you fall in love in 2014? Nope.

What was your favorite TV program? Walking Dead, probably.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Hate is such a strong word.

What was the best book you read? I didn't read anything that wow-ed my socks off.

What was your greatest musical discovery? Lana Del Ray.

What did you want and get? I wanted to go places I had never been - did that!

What did you want and not get? I wanted to travel even more than I did.

What was your favorite film of this year? What If.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old? My roommates took me out to dinner at Stadium Grill. I turned 29.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Traveling more.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014? Cropped pants. Riding boots. Uggs. Moccasins

What kept you sane? Friends, working, pets

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Daniel Radcliff

What political issue stirred you the most? All these "anti-rape" products.

Who did you miss? My dad.

Who was the best new person you met? I don't really know - Tyler. I didn't meet him until October though.

Was 2014 a good year for you? It was okay.

What was your favorite moment of the year? Sitting on the beach with Gianna the evening I got to New York. Or watching the fireworks at Epcot on NYE.

What was your least favorite moment of the year? Breaking up with Tristan. Ugh. He did not make that easy.

Where were you when 2014 began? I was at Room 28 with Lauren and Ashley and Hannah. I was the sober driver and I was in a really bad mood.

Who were you with? A lot of people from the hospital - Lauren and Ashley and Hannah were really the only people I chatted with.

Where will you be when 2014 ends? I was asleep in my hotel room after a 15 hour day at Epcot with Sharida and Kellianne

Who will you be with when 2014 ends? Family.

Did you break up with anyone in 2014? Just Tristen (Tristan? I don't even remember how to spell that).

How many different states did you travel to in 2014? New York and Georgia

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2014? Not really.

How many concerts did you see in 2014? I saw so many bands at HangoutFest. And then I saw Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zereos a week or so later.

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2014? Nope.

Did you do a lot of drugs in 2014? No

Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? No.

What was the worst lie someone told you in 2014? My mom telling me so many lies about so many things.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2014 and change something, what would it be? I would have added more time to my September vacation and went to a couple more states around NY while I was there.

What are your plans for 2015? Quitting the law firm, picking up some more hours at the hospital to make up for it. Starting my BSN (ugh). Going on a birthday vacation! Living with Kellianne. Maybe going on another trip in the fall, but probably not another trip in the winter. Paying off all of my credit card debt. Losing weight and being healthy!

My divorce changed me. My life immediately after my divorce was an under water blur. For about three months, I didn't like the person I was. As expected after a divorce - I was short-tempered and depressed and hesitant and gray. At one point I think I thought that I was afraid of the person I was becoming. Life changes. Fuck.

But just as my divorce temporarily changed me into a monster I hated, as time went on I got better.

I realize now as I am typing this that unfortunately, a lot of my happiness stems from my divorce. Not necessarily because I'm happier not being married to my ex-husband, but because I have changed SO MUCH. And rather than allowing my divorce to define my happiness, I am just going to look at it a little differenty.

Some things that have happened since my divorce in the last 20 months:

Painted four rooms in my house. Next is my basement (it's going to take forever and I am going to say I hate it, but really I like it. I like knowing I am making something better for my liking) and the guest bedroom. NO MORE RED ROOMS!

Went to Texas!

Went to Alabama (three times)!

Bought a ticket to New York!

Have lived with FIVE people.

Celebrated living in my house for 5 years by getting it refinanced! Getting an estimate on new windows and sliding glass doors! Planning on new siding and gutters in the next year or so! Thinking about a new roof and deck! Yahoo! This house is starting to feel like MY home. And I'm fucking pumped about it.

every little thing is gonna be alright.

This summer has brought a new breath into my life. I feel rejuvenated almost.

I get in these ruts where I use my failed marriage as a scapegoat for things I don't like in my life. If I'm having a bad day at work, I think to myself, "if I hadn't moved to Sullivan when I was married I would have never become a nurse." Which is actually, probably, incredibly true. I had no desire to become a nurse until I became one. "If I wasn't married to Devin I wouldn't have bought this house." Also probably true. I don't know if I would have stuck around Columbia. Who knows?

And that's my point - who knows? There is absolutely, positively no way to know what my life would have been if I would have not gotten married. All of my life choices have landed me here. And now it's time to live this life I have!

I have two trips planned (one more planned than the other) for this year. And then I unfortunately have to pare down on trips and vacations.

I have plans for my house! I am getting an estimate on new windows tomorrow afternoon (I know it will suck. I'm crossing my fingers it doesn't suck super bad). Towards the fall I am going to get an estimate on siding and shutters and gutters for the house. I want to LOVE my house. I want to be PROUD of my house. I want a cute little efficient home. Next spring I have plans for landscaping the front a little better. I may even actually buy a weed eater and use it.

And who knows? Maybe by the time next summer rolls around I will have totally different plans because my life could be totally different!

Just riding the waves for now though! Get outta the way, doubts and regrets! I got important owl shit to do!

which way does the wind blow?

It can be hard to remember to take each day, each hurdle, as it comes. I often get really far ahead of myself - let my thoughts spiral out of control until the whole world is a blur. I need to take a minute, breathe, and remember that it will eventually be okay (even if it isn't in this exact moment).

I definitely need to get back into the habit of saving money. No more starbucks treats so often. No more eating out so often. No more shopping trips so often.

That being said, I also need to get out more. I need to go out with my friends more often - even if it is just for one drink after work or whatever. Being mopey at home isn't helping anyone.

I need to get into the habit of studying more for my Med-Surg Certification and probably move forward and get my BSN.

I have been reflecting a lot on my romantic life and it's a little depressing. Bleh.

Guys, I turned 29 last month. There is a picture of my nose stud (that lasted less than a month, sorry face) and me accidentally doing giving duck face.

I haven't posted in a long, long time. So, here is a "currently" update:

Doing: Figuring out what I want to be when I grow up (this healthcare reform is mad crazy messing with nursing), fixing up my yard for spring (one word: daffodils), lots of spring cleaning, and I've been procrastinating going to the gym (to the point where I am going to cancel my membership next time I go.) Also, I have a boyfriend (!!) and it is going pretty well (like, super well, actually)

Eating: Trying to eat healthier! I gave up red meat for lent and wooo-weee was that first week hard! Who knew I ate cheeseburgers all the dang time?

Planning and Eagerly Anticipating: Trips! Trying to go stay in a treehouse cottage in Arkansas (they are booked all of the times we can go). Getting super pumped about Hangout Music Fest, which is in May!

Listening: Beyonce. That dang Paramore song with the chorus, "don't go cryin' to your mama". Other spring-y stuff.

Learning: I've been slacking with working on my certification. Like, ultimate slacker. I am going to get back on the ball though. The plan is to be a certified medical-surgical RN by Thanksgiving! And then possibly work on being a certified legal nurse consultant. I'm going to a conference to see what all that entails later this month. Yeehaw!

The Spending Diet.

Guys. Seriously. I have GOT to go on a spending diet.

I am supposed to refinance my house in 11 months. ELEVEN months. I need to come up with more than a handful of pretty pennies in order to do this. Therefore, I am going to go on A SPENDING DIET

It's pretty easy - you pretty much put yourself on a super budget and then hold yourself accountable to that budget.

I have been using mint.com as a way to simple budget for about 6 months now. I have a serious love/hate relationship with that pesky pie chart I get weekly that shows me where all my money went to that week. (DAMN YOU HOUSE AND UTILITIES. AND FOOD.) The thing I love about the pie chart is it shows me where I can cut back spending. The thing I hate about the pie chart is that it colors the largest slice in the angriest red color and it just blares "YOU SPENT TOO MUCH MONEY HERE!"

Here's what I know:

1. I went on two vacations this spring/summer. Texas, a place I have never been, and down to my dad's in Alabama, where I go often. I probably should have spaced out these vacations for the sake of my bank account. Now I know!

2. My student loans were adjusted "based on my income." They are $120 less/month than they were before. Hopefully this doesn't bite me in the ass. I will try to put more towards them once I refinance mi casa.

3. I spend a LOT of money eating at restaurants. A couple years ago, I stopped eating at fast food joints. I saved a lot of money and probably a handful of pounds too.

4. I also spend a lot of money on my pets. They are spoiled. I need to remember that they are dogs and a cat. Celebrating their birthdays doesn't mean a damn thing to them. Cool it, Rachel.

Here's what I need to do:

1. Stop buying clothing. I don't need it. I don't need clothes for work. I don't need clothes for play. No more clothing. More clothes means more laundry and I HATE doing laundry.

2. Stop spending money on the animals. Start putting aside money every week for annual vet bills so when next summer rolls around, I'm not yanking hundreds of dollars out of my checking account.

3. NO MORE BOOKS! I have such a problem, guys. I love buying books. I like the way they look in my bookcase. I like the smell of a bookstore. I like buying a fancy coffee drink (see Number 4 below) and perusing a bookstore (I think bookstores make coffee smell better). I enjoy being able to crack the spine of a book I own without feeling guilty. BUT DANG IT, RACHEL, YOU CAN'T RIGHT NOW. Dropping cash on books right now is financially irresponsible. You don't need them. The spending diet is about needs, not wants. Plus, I just renewed my library card and I like the library so so so much.

4. COOL IT WITH THE FANCY COFFEE DRINKS. Iced white mochas from Starbucks are the bomb. I like them so much. But they are expensive. Like, $5.00 a drink expensive. That's crazy. I used to just get them on Sundays before work. Treat myself to a Starbucks drink after working 36-hours in a weekend. Yum. Then it became a Saturday/Sunday thing. Then it became a Friday/Saturday/Sunday thing. Now it's Friday/Saturday/Sunday and sometimes a day (or two) during the week. That's $25 a week in bullshit coffee! OMG! I just did the math - that's $1,300 annually.

5. Part of the spending diet is figuring out where money can be reduced from "Needs". This part sucks guys - I can't really pare down my "needs". House Payment - in the process of refinancing and I already have three roommates. Utilities - I only have internet (I consider that a "need") w/ Netflix. I put my Huluplus account on hold. My roommates and I share the electricity bill and water bill. My trash bill is the only pain in the butt, but I don't think switching services will be any cheaper. Cell phone - True, I do not need an iphone. BUT, I already have it. It doesn't make sense to get rid of it. AND I'm a single gal. I'd like to have it for when I'm driving around late and night and get lost. Eeek! I've already lowered my student loans.

6. Internet shopping should be more difficult. If I had to enter my 16-digit credit card number every time I wanted a dang tote bag, I would never buy tote bags. INSTEAD, there is this cute little paypal button. Click of the mouse and poof! Transaction completed. I end up with tote bags. and washi tape (dang it). and earrings. and whatever else I am thinking about buying. STOP IT. Thankfully, there are internet wish-lists (I'm looking at you, modcloth) so when I have the money, everything I have day-dreamed about is right there waiting for me.

7. SAVE MORE SCRILLA. I started doing the 52-week money challenge for the "things I need around the house." My goal is to have the 52nd week done for when I close on the refinancing of my house. Then I can go out and buy a couple fun things for my house. New artwork for my living room, maybe. I'm also putting money aside weekly for the annual vet bills (see Number 2 above), annual vacation, Christmas gifts, etc. I guess I need to open another savings account or something.

8. Spend less on food! Gotta get groceries and use them - stop saying I'll eat all that broccoli or whatever and not actually do it. Just throwing money away. Gotta eat leftovers! Gotta stop going out to eat! I need to clean out my pantry and freezer before I buy more food. I do this thing when I go on food kicks. I have a bunch of oatmeal from when I was on an oatmeal kick. A bunch of noodles when I was on a pasta kick. A bunch of hot chocolate when I was on a hot chocolate kick. Either way, here's the thing: I need to eat a lot of oatmeal, noodles and hot chocolate. Bummer, it's summer. Not only does this save me a bunch of money, but it makes me clean out my freezer and pantry, which means I'm not wasting food, and usually when I make things at home, I eat healthier. Win Win.